Relationship Coach Marie Ang focuses on Personality Types to give you insight into the state of your relationships, weather at work or in your personal life. Marie is a Singaporean girl at heart and is happily married for 20 years. She has made Hong Kong her home for 3 years now. Prior to this, she spent a good 15 years of her life in Australia working her way up the corporate ladder.
Having found her true passion in human psychology, personalities and relationships, Marie obtained her coaching certificate with the John Maxwell Team, and have been coaching individuals, couples and families improve their relationships and grow on a personal and professional level for over 10 years. She provides mentorship programs and is active in the speaking circuit on the topics of relationship and leadership. More recently, she has published a book called “OMG! What’s The Matter With Me?” a book on personality types,which is the first in a series of five books on personalities. We speak to her to get some insights on how to know your own personality and finding the man that’s right for you.
How did you get into relationship coaching?
It was 1999 when I was trying to save my marriage of 5 years. I was quite desperate and did not know what to do so I decided to enrol and my husband in a 6 week marriage council organised by someone in our community. My husband was initially quite reluctant to join me but I insisted as he needed to find out what his problems were! During the course, one of the topics covered was on personality and I found out that we are all born with different personalities and this is the core in all that we think, say, do and behave with others. It was also through this process that I understood the problem was not entirely my husband’s, it was just that we had different personalities.
What are you working on right now?
I am now working on the second book on the effect of personalities on relationships. This book is a compilation of stories of married couples and how couples react or response in certain situations based on their personalities.
How does one become aware of our own personality, characteristics? As we usually behave differently with different people and in different circumstances, can it even be defined?
I would suggest doing a personality test to understand one’s own personality, traits, weakness and strengths. Many people are unaware of the difference between traits and characteristics. The main difference between a characteristic and a trait is while a characteristic needs to be built by a person and absorbed, a trait comes genealogically ie born with and can be traced back to family tree.
What do you think are the key determinations on who we choose to be our husband or life partner?
Personally I think it is about our own individual expectations. Although I have to say, although one can be a good judge of character but at the end of the day, it still comes down to personalities. Why? All personalities come with strengths and weakness and a question I often posed would be, would you be able to live with someone that has the same personality as yourself? If two perfectionist personalities get together, it would be quite a challenging relationship as both will be scrutinising everything about each other.
Selecting a partner is not very different from selecting or applying for a job. The criteria for selecting a partner are different but the process is the same. So when it comes to looking for a life partner, write down what your values are and the values you look for in a partner. We are referring to values, not external qualifications such as looks, wealth or material things, these things, though will at first attract but values will outlast them all according to a saying that goes ‘beauty attracts attention, personality attracts hearts’.
Advise on identifying the person that’s right for you?
Let’s face it, we will never ever find a PERFECT partner! There will be characteristics that compel and there will be others that repel. However, though there may not be a perfect partnership, everyone can have a 100% chance of succeeding in a marriage (on proviso that there are no major deal breakers such as drugs, alcohol, violence or medical psychological issues).
Men and women look for different things in a life partner? What are they (top 3) for men and for women.
There are many studies done on what men and women want in a relationship. Most of them almost have the same things and generally, a man would like to have intimacy, respect and space; whereas for a woman, they would like to have romance, security and communication.
Your advise on the best places for singles to find the person that’s right for them?
In my opinion, I have seen more success in singles meeting through shared interests. If you love hiking, join a hiking club, find something you are a passionate about and you will find others with similar passion. There is a couple I know who went on a trip to help in a cyclone devastated area in Philippines and through this trip to help others, came together as a couple!
As everyone is putting their best foot forward early on during the dating period, how do you find out what they are really like as a person enough to know if you are right for each other?
My own personal opinion is to ask questions, not so much in the form of ‘interviewing’ per se but something in the line of ‘Do you have a hobby? Tell me more…’ or ‘Do you have many brothers or sisters in your family? I bet Christmas must be fun with so many of you…’ This line of questioning tend not to come across as intrusive and also provide a sense of whether the person has an ‘introvert’ or ‘extrovert’ personality…
Should there be a time limit for the dating period (getting to know each other period) before deciding to move forward in a relationship or ending it?
There is actually no set time to date a person and personally I would encouraged the couple to get to know each other a bit longer for at least a minimum of 6 months. Generally in a new relationship, many things are overlooked and ‘put up’ with as we view each other through rose tinted glasses. For example, if the man has a moody kind of personality, even if he had a hard day at work, he will try to be cheerful in front of his new girlfriend. When the relationship developed further and becomes more familiar, we are more comfortable being ourselves and some of our personalities’ traits which were previously ‘endearing’ may actually become annoying. To sustain and thrive in a relationship, understanding each other’s different personalities’ traits will help keep things in perspective as a relationship is about two different persons, each with our own different set of personalities coming together.
From your experience in coaching relationships, which do you find to be more true? that couples that are similiar to each other have happier and more full-filling relationships or those that are very different from one another in terms of personalities?
Interestingly enough, we tend to look for the opposite of ourselves to fulfil our own shortcomings. Somehow in the process, we also ended up finding someone to complement our own personalities! For example, a cheerful talkative personality would look for someone who is of either a stable or more laid back type of personality as he/she is stresses easily and tend to feel overwhelmed. Someone with a more stable or laid back personality, will become their ‘stabilizer’ and the world is, for the cheerful talkative kind or personality, at peace as they are not competing for attention!
Where can people go if they would like to book a session with you and what is your process and your rates?
Please send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or call me on +852 9090 3372. A full analysis will take approximately an hour and included in the session are deciphering your personalities, traits, strengths and weakness, solutions and tools. Consultations can be done individually or in group sessions. I also conduct training, workshops and virtual seminars.
For readers and subscribers of Butterboom, I would be delighted to offer Individual – 1 Hour full analysis consultation at HKD399 valued at HKD799 and for Couples – 2 Hour full analysis consultation at HKD 899 valued at HKD1499!